WARNING: You may take
this article as it is. But be very careful for deception might be lingering in
every word hereby present. You must know first before you may judge.
~~~
"Class, are there any questions?" After class discussions, almost all of my teachers and professors ask us this one same thing. And usually the immediate answer that I would hear is "None!" I don’t know if we’re geniuses or whatever highly comprehensive human being that we might be but it’s always a “No question Ma’am/Sir, we understand the whole fucking stuff you want us to listen to for the whole hour/s of your class.” But there are professor who never content themselves with that “yes” of ours. They would look for ways to squeeze out whatever we didn’t understand. Though that happens very rarely, when it does it just proves that we didn’t understand enough of what should be understood.
~~~
There are times when I simply nod or smile or say “yes” to my friends whenever we talk for hours indicating that I'm in track with them. I want them to know that I understand what they’re saying bit by bit but honestly, for some point, there’s always something I’ve missed in the middle of our conversations. There are some instances where I try to make them repeat or explain a little further that little detail I missed but I noticed that it takes time and attention not only of the speaker but the other listeners too. So more often than not, I let those little details pass. And that tiny detail usually complicates the understanding that I have in the matters we are talking about. If they ask me for confirmation of my understanding about what they say, I respond, with no further ado, a “yes.” But my friends knew me so they try to explain whatever they think I don’t understand. And there are times when they don’t believe I really understood them that my tongue spits out the shit that I wasn’t really paying attention to every detail they say.
~~~
DO NOT BELIEVE THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIVE TO LIE.
But believe me, everybody lies. Have you ever not, even once, layered the truth with what you think is better for yourself? In some point or another, we lie. We coat either more or less sugar to our statements for some reasons we think are of worth. Deception has always been present in the nature of a human. I mean, with those simple and everyday circumstances I face, I always have a crack at manipulating the stuffs I would let out for my own sake or for others’.
Scholars once theorized that the speakers attempt to manipulate messages so as to be untruthful, that causes them to be more cautious on the reaction and reception of the one they talk to. On the other hand, the receiver of the message tries to evaluate and decipher if the message delivered is true and valid resulting to suspicion whether or not the sender is being deceptive. (Buller, D.B., and Burgoon, J.K. 1996)
Meaning, when somebody tries to conceal the truth, they put much effort
and strategies on their manner of talking to make sure that they look
believable to the other party. The other party, then, tries to judge the
speaker's performance of truth concealment through identifying verbal and
non-verbal behavior. This may happen consciously or
subcosciously depending on the traits and behaviors that the two different
parties may possess.
One perfect instance is my own
father-and-daughter conversation. I don’t really believe that I’m a “daddy’s
girl” because I know he loves us all but among my sisters, I’m the one he
usually talks to about almost anything under the sun- most specifically those
from the heart.
There’s this night when I was sent home by a guy I really like. To make
the story short, I WANTED him to be my boyfriend, and so I was planning to tell
my parents about him. The only problem is that they haven’t seen this guy yet.
I mean, they’ve seen and met several guys who have interests in me but never
him. (My parents want to know the guys who court me and they want them to court
me at home. That’s the rule.)
When I got out of this guy’s car, we went straight at our house’s door and introduced him as my boyfriend as abrupt as possible so as not to let them interrogate me or make me change my plans. My father wasn’t home yet. I went upstairs and left the guy in the living room with my mom. My mom is busy making graham balls.
When I told my mom about the guy, she looked not so interested and unhappy at the same time. As I got downstairs, I saw my dad entering the room. I was about to introduce to him the guy I was with. I told him hastily that he was my boyfriend. His face turned into something I can’t explain then he repeated what I said. “Boyfriend mo siya, nak?” He was staring at me intensely. Then he repeated once more. I don’t know what to say. He never took his eyes off mine. I was left unspoken. For the last time, he asked me again. “ Celine, boyfriend mo ‘to?” I know his rules. I’ve been living with it and I’m surviving and growing with them. “Nanliligaw, Pa.” Those we’re the only words I’ve said in a humming sound. “Ah, sige.” Then he went to the dining area.
The truth is that he wasn’t still my boyfriend up to this point when I post this article. I have plans but I know the rules and consequences that come with the decisions I make. I tried to deceive them so as not to follow their rules and make it my own way.
Enough of the boyfriend thing, the point I want to take in from this situation is that all I wanted was to tell them the “supposed-to-be-truth” (meaning, it’s still not the truth). But I ended up absorbing the fact that I should follow the rules and not skip from any of them. And so I was forced to follow the truth (rules) laid down to me. I tried to deceive them in order to get it my way but I must admit that my father knew me more so I wasn't a successful liar to him, as always. He makes me confess to him. He might be examining my eyes, the way I talk to him, or such, that he concluded I wasn't telling the truth. And a part of it I hate, but the whole thought that he makes me spill out is something both of us values.
So you see, Interpersonal Deception is very much of how you know somebody and how you tend to speak or listen to him in order to decipher whether he/she’s telling the truth, may it be only a part of it, or the whole. It's the manner of efforts in veiling and unveiling the truth.
Smart people know when somebody is telling the truth or not. Foolish people know how not to let smart people know what the truth really is. But brave people knows how to make foolish people fail to conceal the truth.
SOURCE/S: Buller, D.B., and Burgoon, J.K. (1996). Interpersonal deception theory. Communication Theory, 6, 203-242.Retrieved: http://www.uky.edu/~drlane/capstone/interpersonal/deception.html (December 27, 2013)
